You oughta know

As seen on Charlie’s website

 

I’m procrastinating as usual, so here’s some things about me

 

Four names that people call me, other than my real name:

  • Miss (by students in the past)
  • actually, no one ever really calls me anything but Cindy

Four jobs I have had (not counting any current jobs):

  • papergirl (when I was a kid)
  • barista
  • change control coordinator for global IT for a very large international company
  • science teacher

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:

  • Love Actually
  • Die Hard
  • The Fifth Estate
  • Star Trek: Into Darkness

Four books I’d recommend:

  • The Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon
  • Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield
  • Bridget Jones’ Diary by Helen Fielding (this also goes for the movie category as well)
  • 11/22/63 by Stephen King

Four places I have lived:

  • Framingham, MA
  • Worcester, MA
  • Allston, MA
  • Glasgow, Scotland

Four places I have been (in the last 12 months)

  • Dublin, Ireland
  • London, England
  • Edinburgh, Scotland
  • Oxford, England

Four places I’d rather be:

  • London
  • Paris
  • a tropical island
  • home to visit for a bit

Four things I don’t eat:

  • red meat
  • mashed potatoes
  • shellfish
  • liver
  • the list of things I won’t eat is far, far longer

Four of my favourite foods:

  • chocolate chip cookies
  • pumpkin pie
  • pizza
  • salmon

Four TV shows that I watch:

  • Sherlock
  • Doctor Who
  • Homeland
  • The Good Wife

Four things I am looking forward to this year (next 12 months):

  • NEW SHERLOCK
  • Hamlet for my 40th birthday
  • hopefully finishing my PhD
  • All the projects that RG is going to be in this coming year (OMG SORRY MY FANGIRL IS SHOWING)

 

13 month plan- week 11

First the stats:

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 0/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-11-22 at 19.55.33

 

  • Pounds lost: 0, I’ve gained a lot of water weight with this med; I know it’s water as my clothes still fit, but my rings don’t.
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: I’ve lost count
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix, etc: I started re-watching House :) and have gone through season 3, and have rewatched Luther before I dive into House season 4, which well, is all the angst.
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 0
  • Number of words that were supposed to be written by this point: IDEK
  • Number of times I’m absolutely fucked has appeared in my vocabulary: oh, thousands
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: IDK like 2500?  I’m too lazy to go back and count.

Anyways, I will be honest ( as I always am on here), things have sucked.  Mentally, I am in a fucked up place.  I’ve not mentioned it too much in real life social media (FB/Twitter) because there isn’t anything anyone who knows me in real life can do.  I don’t want pity.  This is my problem and I have to figure it out, and if I can’t, I have to deal with the consequences.   I know what the consquences are, and they suck, but I obviously don’t care enough to get on with it- at least at the moment.

Of course, right now, I want to go for a run.  But I can’t.  I fell a week ago, and can still barely walk, let alone run.  That should make being a tourist in Dublin fun for next week.

Hopefully this week, I can get my head on straight and get on with things.  Which I say every week and haven’t- after 3 months of “trying.”  I know what I have to do, I have just not done it.  No sense in saying anything but.

I know, I’m not a runner

Right now I can’t run.  Literally.  I fell the other day and I can hardly walk, never mind run.  (Of course this means every day this week I’ve walked over 12,000 steps which seems to be the complete opposite of “stay off your feet.”)

I know I am not a runner.  I’m too fat, for one.  So I’m not taken seriously. I’m laughed at and spit on.  And please don’t give me that bullshit “healthy at every size.”  I personally think that’s just been made up to make people feel better.  I am NOT healthy.  I’m a mental mess, I have chronic daily headaches, I take enough pills to rival Gregory House, and I have a deathfat BMI.  Despite the fact that all my blood tests are fine, but it doesn’t mean I am healthy.  I know that this is not a very popular opinion; I have very strong beliefs about what constitutes healthy and not healthy, and I know I’m not.

But I digress. . .

I am not a runner because no matter how much I run or how far I run, I can never, ever compete with real runners.  And it bugs the hell out of me.  You know what?  Your 25 minute 5k time IS NOT SLOW.  Your 45 minute 10k IS NOT FUCKING SLOW.  SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!  Do you have any idea how that makes me feel when people think THAT is slow?  My fastest mile recently was about 17 minutes.  THAT IS FUCKING SLOW, not your 7 minute mile.

Yeah, this may make me seen like a whiny little brat, but you know what?  I don’t care.  It’s my blog.  I can say whatever I want.  I’m certainly not going to win any awards. I’m not going to get anyone offering me products.  In fact, pretty much no one is reading this at all, given what my stats say.

I just wish people could talk about their successes in a way that doesn’t make me feel like crap.  Again, I know.  I’m selfish and self-centered.  But I’ve been having a pretty shit year and you know, I’d just like the universe to cut me some slack.  Apparently, “the universe always settles the score.”

 

It doesn’t.  But it should.

 

13 month plan- weeks 9 & 10- the honest post

Week 9:

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 1/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 19.40.01

  • Pounds lost: 0
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: I’ve lost count
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix, etc: I started re-watching House :)
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 0
  • Number of words that were supposed to be written by this point: IDEK
  • Number of times I’m absolutely fucked has appeared in my vocabulary: oh, thousands
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 0

 

Week 10:

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 1/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 19.43.07

All of the above applies for week 10 as well.

 

So, what I haven’t been writing about is how my life is a spectacular disaster.  Not only have I not been writing here, I haven’t been getting anything accomplished- end of.  The depression has been worse than ever, to the practically not getting out of bed stage.  I’ve seen my GP and a specialist and they have changed my meds, which have done nothing but make me drained and exhausted.  I’m sleeping all night and needing naps in the day (partially b/c one of the side effects is dizziness and nausea) and even with coffee I’m barely functional.

As a result I haven’t gotten any work done (still) and am very, very close to things being “a bit not good.”  I’m trying, but . . . .  I will write a post about this on it’s own, but for right now I just don’t want to talk about it.

 

13 month plan- week 8

So I have been attempting to get my life together for 2 months now.  And it’s been complete failure.  I think this past week was the worst for me over all, especially depression-wise.  I’m trying to get meds worked out/changed and whatnot, but I’m not sure if the change is going to be a benefit with all the potential side effects, etc.  I won’t really have a good idea for another month- but I suppose the time is going to pass anyways.

 

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 0/3  – (I passed a girl out running in the rain and was like wow you go girl, b/c I am lame and hate getting wet.  I realised how lame that was and bought new water resistant trainers that should be here soon.)
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-10-28 at 19.24.29

  • Pounds lost: 2, I think.
  • Days using MFP: 5
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: I’ve lost count
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix, etc: 0 (Well I did start re-watching Silk)
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 0
  • Number of words that were supposed to be written by this point: 45,000
  • Number of meetings held about my thesis: 1
  • Number of times I’m absolutely fucked has appeared in my vocabulary: 345,543,443
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 1,400

 

13 month plan- week 7

*sigh*  Week 8 is the charm?

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 1/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-10-21 at 22.15.46

  • Pounds lost: 0
  • Days using MFP: 5
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: too many
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix, etc: 2.  Twin Peaks and How to Get Away With Murder
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 0
  • Number of words that were supposed to be written by this point: 36,000
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 5,942

13 month plan- week 6

Another week where I’m behind in posting.  No excuses, just lazy.

I can’t seem to get myself together.  No matter what I do, I just sort of sit around and stare off into nowhere.  It’s distressing.

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 1/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-10-17 at 18.48.40

 

  • Pounds lost: -don’t know.  Don’t want to know.
  • Days using MFP: 5
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: too many
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix, etc: 2; Line of Duty and Twin Peaks
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 0
  • Number of words that were supposed to be written by this point: 24,000
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 0

13 month plan- week 5

(Sorry for the delay in posting, my site was down.  Not that anyone is still reading this of course.)

So, another week.  Another set of excuses.  Yup.  I didn’t do anything and I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 0/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked, etc:

Screen Shot 2014-10-07 at 19.27.33

  • Pounds lost: -1 (meaning I gained)
  • Days using MFP: 5
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: 40 billion
  • Number of times I contemplated running away to a tropical island: 56 million
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix: 0 (it’s still a miracle!)  
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 1,159 (up to today since I’m late posting)
  • Number of words that were supposed to be written by this point: 12,000
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 2,123
  • Number of days until I see Hamlet: 366

 

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13 month plan: week 4

This is why I need 13 months.  It’s been one month and I have made no progress at all.  I started to, and then uni started back up, we had no hot water, have had a house guest, and all sorts of other excuses I could sit here and make. It’s clear I haven’t made this a priority; as in everything else in my life, I am failing at everything.   If I can’t make this a priority, how can I expect to make anything else?  Or think people will see someone who cares about herself?

  • Lifting days: 0/3
  • Running days: 0/3
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked:  38.67
  • Pounds lost: Not a clue.  I haven’t thought about stepping on the scale.
  • Days using MFP: 5
  • Number of times I complained about uni things: 29 billion
  • Number of times I contemplated running away to a tropical island: 47 million
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix: 0 (it’s a miracle!)  (there really just wasn’t any time!)
  • Number of shopping trips: 1
  • Number of items purchased on eBay: 4
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 107
  • Number of words I have to delete on my thesis: 2K
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 1.053

13 month plan: Week 3

Well, this week has sucked all around.  I’ve been suffering from a depression relapse, not to mention being terribly exhausted for no reason.  I couldn’t seem to get out of my own way this week, I got nothing accomplished and just ugh.

 

  • Lifting days: 1/3 (If we make it to the gym tomorrow)
  • Running days: 0/3 (no hot water means no running and we had no hot water until Wednesday.  I have no excuse other than laziness for the rest of the week.)
  • 10K daily step goal: 7/7 (The last day I was under 10K steps was 17 Aug)
  • Miles walked:  34
  • Pounds lost: Not a clue.  I haven’t thought about stepping on the scale.
  • Days using MFP: 5
  • Number of times I complained about not feeling well: 65
  • Number of shows binge watched on Netflix 1 (I finished The Killing)
  • Number of shopping trips: 1
  • Number of items purchased on eBay: 8
  • Number of words written on my thesis: 6
  • Number of words written not on my thesis: 6,017
  • Number of ways in which I am STILL completely screwed for my chapter deadline: 6 ways from Sunday